How To Express Yourself So Your Partner Can Truly Hear You - by Dating Coach, Jenny Ella
Are you in the kind of relationship where nothing feels easy? You’re either walking on eggshells around your man, stuffing your feelings down because so many conversations feel too ‘touchy’ and you’re afraid if you do speak, you’ll push him away.
Or you do the opposite? Things aren’t going well, your anger builds and builds, until you finally explode. Now you’re in a full-blown argument but you’re not being heard and nothing ever gets resolved. All the outburst seems to do is make your man retreat even further into his cave.
There is a better way.
There’s a way to talk to a man where you can express what you want and what you need in such a way that you will truly be heard. In such a way that your man falls even more deeply in love with you. In such a way that it makes him turn everything around because your words and your vibe inspire him to want to be a better man and a great partner for you.
We are often afraid to express our feelings and needs to a man because we’re frightened we’ll come off as needy, clingy or overly demanding. We’re terrified we will push him away. But if you don’t express yourself, it’s very hard to get your needs met. Your anger, resentment and disappointment build and this can be very destructive for your relationship.
Sharing your needs, feelings and desires will only deepen the connection and intimacy between the two of you and fuel his desire for you. So long as he is a man who can ‘do’ relationships and wants to be in one with you.
You get to express what you want to a man without being needy or demanding. You do this by making a request from your feminine energy.
Everyone has both masculine and feminine energies inside of them and we draw upon these different energies in different areas of our life. Masculine energy is the energy of doing, thinking, planning strategising and making things happen. Feminine energy is about emotions, experiencing, expressing, responding and receiving.
Being in your feminine energy around a man is very empowering for you as a woman because you get to express yourself fully, exactly as you are, with no manipulation, no force. It’s about your inner strength, expressing your feelings and owning your power. And what makes it work for you is the WAY in which you express yourself when in feminine energy.
Join my 60 minute MASTERCLASS: ‘HOW TO EXPRESS YOURSELF SO A MAN CAN REALLY HEAR YOU!
on 25th MAY @ 7pm GMT.
In the meantime, if you want to get started right away, the basic template is:
I FEEL…
It would FEEL…
OR
It FELT
And then you fill in the blank with the emotion that is bubbling up the most for you.
You can then tag on the end, ‘What do you think?’, if that feels appropriate.
For example:
‘I feel exhausted doing all the clearing up at home all of the time and I don’t want to feel this way. What do you think?’
‘It would feel amazing to be kissed more often. What do you think?’
‘It felt awful being left waiting in the pub on my own again and I don’t want to feel that way. What do you think?’
By keeping the focus on you and what you feel, there is no blame attached, so the man doesn’t close down and defend himself in the way he might if you attacked him for it. Men don’t want to be told what to do, or what they ‘should’ do. It’s for this reason you also want to say your sentence without using the word ‘you’ in it. You simply add ‘what do you think?’ at the end to give him an opportunity to come up with a solution, if he so desires. You’re not trying to tell a man what to do. You’re simply allowing a man to be inspired into action by your feelings.
Of course, the ‘I feel…’ works best when it’s a positive emotion you are expressing, so you might want to start there.
For example, ‘It feels so good to hear from you in the evenings.’
is likely to be more inspiring than:
‘I feel furious you haven’t called me for the last three nights.’
This isn’t about making something happen, or manipulating a man to do what you want him to do. This is simply you being in your feminine energy, expressing yourself. You’re putting your needs and desires out there (to your man, or out in the universe, in general) because they are things that matter to you. And then feel curious to see what happens…
A man will usually feel inspired to do what makes you happy. So he will tend to come up with something to solve the problem, if there is one. Once he does show a desire to make you happy, it’s then essential that you show your acknowledgement and appreciation of this by thanking him warmly. That’s the fuel that is going to drive him in the relationship. Without this, he won’t feel pulled to find a solution.
So when you’re expressing yourself in your feminine energy, make it all about you and what you are feeling. Not about him or what he’s doing. Express what makes you feel good, what you like or don’t like, in one or two brief sentences and then you’re done.
A good man will take your feelings into account and not dismiss them. He will want you to feel cherished by him. That’s a big driver for a man. If a man repeatedly shows no inclination to take your feelings into account, then he is probably not the right man for you. That’s not a good guy to be in a relationship with.
Of course, if he is a good man and you make a request in feminine energy, with no blame, and he doesn’t respond right away, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you. Sometimes it can take a while to get into a habit of doing something new, particularly if you and he have been fighting and falling into unhelpful patterns of behavior for a while. If that’s the case, don’t stuff things down, don’t blow up and don’t drop hints. Instead, be truly authentic. Make direct requests, whilst staying in your feminine energy. Men aren’t mind readers and nor are they very inferential - they don’t get hints - and they definitely don’t respond well to being shouted at or being told what to do. So try this new approach. Express yourself from your feelings, without mentioning him. That way he can really hear you. And if he’s the right man for you, it will bring him closer. Expressing your feelings from your feminine energy is so magnetic to a man.
And whatever your man’s response, you will feel stronger, more confident, more self-assured. You are being fully who you are around a man, without shutting down, without being dramatic. You are simply being the strong, openhearted women you truly are and then you get to decide how to best take care of yourself from there.
I promise you, if you’re dating or in a relationship with a masculine energy man, you will start to feel so much better once you begin to express yourself from your feminine energy.
Try it and let me know how it goes. It would feel amazing to hear how you get on.
Love Jenny x
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MY NEXT ONLINE DATING & RELATIONSHIP MASTERCLASS: ‘HOW TO EXPRESS YOURSELF SO A MAN CAN REALLY HEAR YOU’
Takes place via Zoom
On 25th MAY @ 7pm GMT
Price: £10.00
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Guest Blog, written by Jenny Ella
Jenny Ella is a qualified dating and relationship coach. Drawing on the science and psychology of love, together with excellent communication skills, she knows all the shortcuts to finding love with ease, whether you’re in a longterm relationship that has lost its spark, or looking to begin online dating, perhaps for the very first time.